Ever notice how a man will “court” you, pursue you, and do all kinds of amazing and romantic things to win your heart as you’re getting to know each other…

But, after a little while, the romance, passion, and intimacy that he used to be so excited about and create, starts to “fizzle out” once you’re into a committed relationship?

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation with a man who you knew was a great guy but he started acting immature, depended on you for too many things (and didn’t appreciate you for them) and all the while you kept giving more and more to try and make things work better and keep you closer… then you don’t want to miss this email.

I’m about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way… and what to do about it.

I’m also about to explain why so many of us end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who ”TAKE TAKE TAKE”, and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.

First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar…

You meet a great guy and you start dating.

The “chemistry” is simply AMAZING and you can’t believe how into connecting and sharing he is… even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.

You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you’ve finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.

He’s so open and caring… and listens and pays attention to you and what’s going with you in a way that few men you’ve met can.

Your connection is unbelievable.

You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you’re closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.

Since you’re both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life… and you’re happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.

But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly “shift”.

It starts with small things…

He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.

Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and ”connected” with you.

And then you notice…

There’s something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your “radar”.

You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.

You start to feel “drained” with him and with the relationship more and more… but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.

More time passes and you start to notice something else…

You see that he isn’t becoming more appreciative of all the things you’re doing for
him and your relationship.

In fact, it feels like he’s starting to take more and more of it for granted.

Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.

He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.

The more he does this, the more you sense that there’s a kind of needy “childishness” inside him that’s becoming clearer.

You want to be there for him and be a great partner… but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.

With all this going on, you’re not exactly sure of what to do about it or what’s going on for him that’s making him act this way.

He doesn’t seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it’s starting to feel unfair and bother you.

Your relationship is starting to feel like it’s all about making sure “he’s” happy.

Which of course doesn’t leave much room for what’s going on for YOU.

You know things can’t go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and “real”.

He’s got to see what’s going on and stop being so self-involved.

You know that he’s had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn’t see what’s going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change… soon.

So, you finally decide to talk to him about what’s going on.

You go over in your head again and again what you’re going to say to him and what’s been going on for the last several months.

You’re sure that he’ll see what’s been happening and all the things you’ve been doing for him and the relationship, and he’ll give you some understanding.

But when you talk to him, it doesn’t work out this way… AT ALL.

Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and DEFENSIVE with you.

Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you’re “nagging” him and creating “drama”.

He even acts like you’re the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This situation where you know you’re giving and getting less than nothing back SUCKS.

And unfortunately, it’s a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.

Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.

But the reality is that you’ve already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about this.

That is partially why I’m NOT going to talk about what’s going on with men here and what to do about it.

At least not yet.

Right now we’re going to talk about YOU.

Why?

Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.

You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.

But if you want to be smart…

And you want relationships to start “working” for you, instead of seeming like a never ending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work…

Then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.

And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.

THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN INSTANTLY

If you’re at the most basic levels of what I call “emotional maturity” in your life, then you’ve started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself…

You’ve recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.

Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.

But the reality is these aren’t the only kind of patterns you have in your life.

You also have a special group of “negative patterns”.

Patterns that you save just for MEN.

So, let me ask you a very simple question.

It’s a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.

Here’s the question -

Do you know your “negative patterns” in relationships with men?

You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.

THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I’M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.

You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn’t seem to be helping you if you’re running into the same issues and situations again and again.

Which is why it’s obvious that “what” you already know isn’t going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.

You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.

That’s why I’m looking for the patterns that you DON’T see right now, and that you aren’t CONSCIOUS of.

Here’s where we’re going to take ACTION…

Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.

And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.

By the way, if you don’t have time to do this now, then you probably never will.

And, I know it’s a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what’s going to change your love life immediately.

So now that you’ve made the time, I want you to think about the following -

I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.

And I don’t just mean patterns that are really about men… such as “I always pick men that are clueless about loving relationships.”

This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.

I mean something like “I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I’ve “lost myself” and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself.”

That’s one common example lots of women have experienced.

Now, it’s your turn.

I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.

I’m going to give you a few minutes to do it
now.

…

…

…

I’m going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.

OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.

Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.

Do it now, I’ll wait.

…

…

Good.

I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.

It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.

DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF-DEFEATING “PATTERNS” IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

Now that you’ve got your two negative patterns, here’s where things are going to start coming together for you…

First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

I call it “All or Nothing Thinking“.

Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure…

And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?

What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?

What kind of relationship and communication ”skills” does a woman like this have?

And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior… and what does it say to him about a woman?

Of course, this is an extreme example of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Unfortunately, the more common “All or Nothing Thinking” is subtle and difficult to recognize.

Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.

So, let me ask you…

When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?

I’m certain there is.

I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.

I’ll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead.

…

…

OK. Now there’s something I want you to think about…

It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that’s associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man… right?

It’s caused a lot of these problems… right?

If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better… right?

WRONG.

What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?

And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn’t represent just your personal
WEAKNESSES?

What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?

If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that’s involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future… then you’re going to that place of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Over the years I’ve recognized that there’s a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life…

When something isn’t working and they want to fix a problem, they don’t look at the entire ”system” around them.

Instead, they focus their attention on the ”symptoms” they see, in isolation.

Some people complain about “Western Medicine” having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a “holistic” approach to how everything works together.

Anyway… when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the
entire “system” going on around them, they can’t see how all the elements are inter-connected.

So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what’s related to the symptoms and everything will work better.

This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.

What’s worse, often times the things that people change not only don’t work to fix the
problem…

Often times the change they make ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.

Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Don’t start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the “symptoms”.

There’s a better way.

You need to start looking at the whole “system” of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.

You need to develop your own “holistic” approach.

Then you’ll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more
connection and understanding into your life with a man.

So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the “system” that it
is?

And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the “symptoms”?

Here’s a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW…

I’m going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive “All or Nothing Thinking”.

I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.

Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.

I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative
relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.

I’ll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.

I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead. I’ll give you a few minutes.

…

…

…

OK, good.

There’s a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it… IF you stay aware of this when you’re interacting with a man in your relationship.

When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of
your STRENGTHS… things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.

Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to
your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you…

And you’ll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what’s the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.

A “STRANGE TRUTH” ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE

You’ve got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what’s going on with you and your relationship with a man.

But it really only starts here.

Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?

Do you know how to avoid “All or Nothing Thinking” the next time it comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man?

Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?

Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don’t have to try and convince him of what’s going on that he can’t see or isn’t paying attention to?

Most women who aren’t in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don’t have this
knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.

The strange truth is, patterns aren’t just coincidences in your life.

They keep repeating in your life for a reason.

What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can’t learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?

The reality is that you have a choice…

You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again…

This is the “easy” choice that doesn’t ask or require you to learn and grow at all.

OR…

You can create a “shift” in your life.

You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH… which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.

The choice is yours right now.

Don’t let go of the opportunity to have LASTING CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT to the quality of your love life and all your relationships.

Go check out my ‘THE Secret to the Hearts of MEN’

I’ve found that women in all walks of life have a great interest in becoming more charming, alluring, and loved by that special man.

I’ve had a lifelong interest in this topic, and have written several books in recent years about attracting men. So stay tuned to read more or subscribe to my eLetter …
www.dating.albinafabiani.com

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/improve-your-relationship-with-one-question–1118674.html

Many of us who are in dating relationships with men are interested in seeing the relationships developing into something more serious. Hence one of the main things that concern us is how we can influence our boyfriends to want to commit to us. This is particularly important if your boyfriend does not seem prepared to move to the next level. 

There are a number of simple measures that you can take to help your man to consider walking down the aisle with you. However, here is where many of us make major blunders. So, let’s see how you can avoid the common mistakes. 

Don’t make it obvious 

Given that we are usually very open to sharing our feelings, you may think that it is only reasonable for you to make your boyfriend know of how you would wish to be a mother of his kids. Unfortunately, this method tends to backfire, as your boyfriend may just withdraw further into his cocoon. 

There are basically two reasons why this approach does not bring the desired results. First of all, men do not like to be pushed into things, and this is the impression you will create. Your boyfriend is therefore more likely to become defensive and resist your efforts. 

The second reason why this method does not work is because it will create a great sense of comfort in your boyfriend. He will know that no matter how long it takes, you won’t walk out of the relationship and leave him. Hence, he won’t see the need of taking things fast. 

So, if you want your boyfriend to take the issue of commitment seriously, do not talk about it in the first place. In fact, you should not even give some kind of clue, such as by leaving bridal magazines where he is bound to find them. 

Focus on yourself 

You need to think more on individual terms, rather than viewing the two of you as a couple. Even when you are making arrangements for things that you would otherwise do together, plan to do them on your own. 

You will get the attention of your boyfriend when you show your independence. Let him realize that you have your own life that you have to consider. 

In this way, he will realize that if he does not get serious then he risks losing you. Unless your boyfriend is not concerned about you, he will take things to the next level.

In addition to these, there are several other particular measures you can take to ensure that you secure the man of your dreams.

Are you ready NOW for a complete dating life make over? Find out more about the patterns of commitment phobic men and how to respond to each of your given instance. Be a smart woman and learn how to make your man commit to you. You will learn a lot more when you visit why doesn’t he call?

Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/important-tips-for-women-seeking-a-marriage-relationship-1111464.html

Relationships affect all of us in some way, shape or form every day. There is a saying that you shouldn’t go to bed angry with your spouse or partner, and it is true. Maintaining a healthy relationship is important if you plan on living a healthy life. The main issue that all couples face is being able to communicate effectively with one another. Too often we are focused on ourselves or on the other person not understanding us when, in fact, we need to take the time to try to understand them better.

One way to promote a healthy relationship with your partner is to talk to them. I have seen too many instances among my own friends where one of their parents will come home from work and instead of greeting their spouse, they look for fault in them. For instance, if you’ve just gotten home from work and had asked your partner to take care of something in the house (and they promised that they would) but then you come in the door only to realize that the problem is still there, you may just focus on the problem not being resolved rather than “why” it wasn’t resolved. There are too many of us who hold on to resentment when we are with someone else. Resentment is a sure way to end a relationship.

Another factor that affects relationships is a lack of trust. In order to be in a healthy, happy relationship, you have to have trust. If you don’t trust your partner, then you will always have doubts and problems will always creep up. Talk about what you are feeling with your partner. Express your concerns and doubts and why you feel the way you do. If the relationship is important enough to them, then they will set aside the time to hear you out and vice versa. The worst thing you could do is hold on to these feelings inside and not say anything because soon you will boil over.

Maintaining a good relationship spills over into all areas of your life. It affects the way you think as well as the way you look at other things. If you are involved in a bad relationship where you don’t trust the other person, are fighting or are simply stressed out about the direction in which things are heading, it can actually have the same effect on you as not getting enough sleep. Believe it or not, it can even lead many people to fall ill, landing them in the hospital for various ailments such as exhaustion or other symptoms.

Relationships don’t just have to be between you and a spouse or between you and your partner. In fact, most people struggle to get along with each other. From your boss to your friend to your co-workers, we are all so different that it is sometimes difficult to come together and agree on certain things. For example, while you may disagree with your boss or have completely different political views from your co-workers, we all have to learn how to get along. You don’t have to “like” someone or “respect” someone, but you do have to find a balance where you can be cordial and considerate towards one another- all of which helps to promote better relationships among your peers.

Drug Rehab Houston Drug Rehab AustinArticle Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/maintaining-a-good-relationship-1109664.html

Years ago, when on a book tour for our book, “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?”, my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and open, I could see that she was a deeply caring woman. On the other hand, her husband Ken, while overtly charming, had a huge black hole inside that felt like a vacuum cleaner sucking the energy out of everyone. His need for attention was overwhelming to me.

A few months after that dinner, I heard that she had committed suicide. I immediately understood why.

It was evident to me in that dinner that Allison had completely given herself up to Ken, giving him all her attention and constantly trying to fill his empty hole. She had completely abandoned herself in her attempts to take responsibility for his feelings. The result was that, instead of Ken healing, he had become more and more dependent on her over the years, and Allison felt more and more trapped and drained. I don’t know why she felt she could not leave rather than kill herself, but apparently she did not see leaving as an option.

I understood because I was in the same situation – with my husband, my parents, and my children. I was the caretaker for everyone, and I was slowly dying from having completely abandoned myself and given myself up to others.

I chose, after 30 years of marriage and many attempts to break the taker-caretaker system, to leave rather than die. I wish Allison had made the same choice.

Today I work with people all over the world, both men and women, who feel so trapped by the neediness and demands of their spouse that they are in deep depression, often wanting to die. They feel guilty if they take care of themselves rather than care-take their partner. They believe they are selfish if they take responsibility for their own feelings and needs instead of giving themselves up for others, and their partners reinforce this by telling them how selfish they are if they attempt to change the caretaking-taking system.

What they don’t realize is that continuing to take responsibility for others’ feelings and needs – others who are fully capable of taking care of their own feelings and needs (excluding babies, the ill, and the elderly) – is enabling, rather than loving to others. When we do for others what they can and need to do for themselves, we disable them, causing them to feel even more empty and insecure. While love heals, caretaking does not. Love means supporting ourselves and others in our highest good, which never means giving ourselves up to care-take others who are capable of taking care of themselves.

If you feel trapped and depressed, and you think about dying or you wish your spouse would die, then you are giving yourself up rather than taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs. If the pull on you to care-take those around you is too great for you to find your way through to taking care of yourself, or if your guilt prevents you from taking care of yourself, then the loving action may be to leave until you can break the codependent system between you and your spouse or you and others.

It is your right to have life, liberty and happiness. It is your right to take responsibility for doing what brings you joy, while supporting others in doing what brings them joy. You are not on the planet to fill up another’s inner emptiness and trying to do so is not loving to yourself or to them. If you feel trapped, consider beginning to free yourself.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/relationships-giving-yourself-up-can-kill-you-1091410.html

Sometimes it seems like everything just kind of goes our way.  We meet the right person and the relationship that follows just seems right and we have a good time when we are with them.  And then there are times when it may feel as though we cannot attract anyone worth hanging around with and definitely not anyone worth committing to a real relationship with.  Does this remind you of yourself?

It’s okay.  We all go through these times and there is nothing wrong with you if that’s how you feel right now.  The good news is that you can change your life and your situations and start finding the kind of person you would like to spend your time with.

You know that feeling that you get when everything goes your way.  You feel like you are in the zone and everything just kind of falls into place.  Maybe you don’t just meet one great new person but you meet a couple and now you have the power of choice.  You can choose who you want to be with and who you give your time to.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW HOW TO GET BACK IN THAT ZONE?

You can.  You can put yourself back into that place where everything feels good and everything goes your way.  The problem is that most people do not know how to do this,  it just kind of happens for them and then when it goes,  they do not know how to get back there.  But you can learn how to do this.  You just have to start by asking yourself:

Do you really want to attract better relationships?

 

Go to: Law of Attraction Relationships and claim YOUR FREE Report and Two FREE Lessons by E-Mail!

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Article Source:http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/do-you-want-to-attract-better-relationships-1090149.html